When to avoid using No-Contact method after breakup

In this blog, we will see the situations where no contact might make things worse and actually decrease your odds of getting back your ex. Before that, you must know that no contact is usually best when in doubt. It will rarely hurt your chances if executed properly, and it’s definitely better than accidentally saying something dumb to your ex that might kill your chances. So, unless your current scenario is one of the ones I’m about to discuss, the default strategy that you should be using is no contact.

When No Contact Should Be Avoided

When are those few times when no contact should be avoided? Well, let’s get into it. Maybe you’ve already been ignoring your ex for a while. You’re likely doing the right thing. But some people don’t respond well when their ex engages in no contact after a breakup, especially if things ended on good terms. So, occasionally, you might find yourself in a situation where your ex starts to get angry or upset that you’re not talking to them anymore.

Scenario 1: Ex Getting Angry or Upset

If this is the case for you, where your ex is getting annoyed by your lack of contact, then it’s actually a good sign in some ways because it shows that your ex still cares. Up to a point, continuing to use no contact in this type of scenario is actually more important than ever. You need your ex to know that you will not be available to provide emotional support or keep them entertained while they get over the post-breakup heartache and loneliness. Limiting contact says to your ex, “Get back together with me, give our relationship another chance, or I’m gone from your life for good.” And that kind of urgency—that pressure that it puts on your ex, can often be enough to make them change their mind and decide to take you back.

However, this only applies up to a certain point. As much as you want to ignore your ex and stick to the no contact rule, there may come a point where you need to break the silence to avoid causing major conflict. I’m talking about situations where you’ve cut off all communications with him or her for at least a week or two, and during that time, they’ve tried to reach out multiple times, and they’re clearly getting more and more frustrated by your lack of response.

Calming Things Down

Now, in that kind of scenario, it can be a good idea to break the silence in order to calm things down and make sure that your ex doesn’t think you’re holding a grudge or trying to get revenge. So, if your ex is clearly upset or becoming angry that they haven’t heard from you, then I recommend responding to your ex’s next message with a quick text or call to say, “Sorry, I’m not trying to be rude or anything. I’ve just been really busy, and I’m focused on moving on.” So, don’t let your ex use this as an opportunity to drag you into any kind of longer discussion, and don’t feel the need to elaborate or share any kind of emotion with your ex. Just make it clear that you’re not intentionally being rude to them; you’re just moving on with life because, apparently, they don’t want to be with you anymore.

This is perfectly reasonable, and as long as you’re reasonably friendly and cordial to your ex, they really have no reason to continue getting upset or trying to turn things into an argument. Remember, this is what they asked for by ending the relationship, so they really have no right to be angry at you for honoring their desire to break up. Once you’ve made it clear to your ex that the lack of contact isn’t anything personal or intended to hurt them, you can usually continue with no contact until you’ve completed roughly 30 days. So, this is more of a situation where you should break contact once rather than avoiding it altogether.

Scenario 2: When you have children & shared responsibilities

This one is pretty common, especially if you’re a bit older. Unfortunately, you can’t just disappear completely if you have serious shared responsibilities with your ex, like parenting or paying bills. Most everyday topics can be safely ignored. For example, if your ex is asking, “How’s your mom?” or “Where are you going this weekend?” anything that isn’t pressing and genuinely important, that stuff can usually be safely ignored during no contact.

But if your ex is asking you to pick up your daughter from school next week, or if you still live together and your ex is asking you to pay your half of the utility bills that are due tomorrow, those are the sorts of things that you just really can’t ignore, at least not for 30 days. So, in those cases, you’ll need to handle things as best as possible by doing whatever it is that you need to do, probably in this situation by agreeing to which days you’ll drive the kids to school, sort out who’s going to the bank to pay the overdue bills, etc. Just be polite, friendly, upbeat, and stick to the essentials. If you still live with your ex, I also recommend you read, on tips about no contact while living with your ex after a breakup.

Limited No Contact

Before we move on, I want to stress the importance of being upbeat in these kinds of interactions. During this time, you should and can break off no contact with your ex. To make the most of it, be friendlier and happier than your ex would expect from someone who just broke up with them. In situations like this, you may call this a “limited no-contact.” strategy. In which you are still in no contact but adapted to suit the situation you’re in as best as possible. Most people won’t have to worry too much about this, but the no-contact tactic can still definitely be very effective, even if it’s limited no-contact. It’s a little different, but it still works wonders.

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Scenario 3: It’s been a long time since your initial break-up.

No contact is most effective immediately after a breakup. If time has already passed, then you lose a lot of the benefits of going no-contact, and in many cases, it’s a waste of time or maybe even counterproductive. So, if you’ve been apart for a long while already, your ex has let go of most of the negative memories and feelings that they had about you and your time together, which is part of what no contact is designed to achieve.

Here’s another scenario: you’ve been split up and out of contact for months. You start talking again and it feels like you’re reconnecting. You’re afraid you’ll mess it up, so you decide to try no-contact after reading my blog. Since your ex was already responding to your advances, your sudden disappearance makes them assume you’ve moved on and found someone else or are no longer interested. This is one of those rare cases where no contact will work against you. With that said, just because it’s been months since your breakup doesn’t always mean you shouldn’t apply any contact. So, let me quickly describe two different example scenarios and how to apply no contact in each of them.

Scenario A: Regular Contact Since Breakup

You broke up with your ex five months ago, but since then, you’ve been in regular contact with him or her. You text back and forth frequently, you see one another occasionally, and you even agreed to still be friends with your ex. Essentially, you never really let go of your ex; they’re still a part of your life and someone you talk to all the time. In this kind of situation, you should still apply no-contact for at least a few weeks. Because you’re still friends, you still see your ex occasionally and speak with them regularly, you’ve never really engaged in no contact. It’s only been five months since the breakup, which is a long time but not long enough to make no contact redundant. So, if you’re in this kind of situation, apply no contact by not reaching out to your ex anymore and suddenly start becoming too busy with your new friends and hobbies to find time for them. If they text you, then ignore anything, but the most essential message is to give your ex a taste of what life is like when you’re not around.

Scenario B: Minimal Contact Since Breakup

You broke up 7 months ago, and although you spoke to your ex a few times in the early days after the breakup, you’ve not spoken with them recently. It’s been several weeks since you last reached out to your ex, and you haven’t heard from them lately either.

Now, in this scenario, things are different than the first one. Here, you’ve already employed what really is a period of no-contact, even if you didn’t realize it. Therefore, employing another 30 days of no-contact isn’t usually necessary in this case, and waiting longer before you reach out to your ex could be a mistake.

Time is of the essence when you’re in this kind of situation, where it’s been many months since the breakup, so you can usually skip any contact and reach out to your ex right away. If your initial attempts to contact him or her don’t get a reply or crash and burn, then you’ll need to wait at least a week or two before you try again. But generally speaking, you can skip no contact if your breakup was a long time ago and you’re no longer in regular contact with your ex.

Scenario 4: When the Ex Wants to Get Back Together

This is a no-brainer, obviously, but if your ex is saying to you outright that they want to get back together, then don’t continue with no-contact. Instead, wait a few hours and then reply with something calm and not overly eager-sounding to signal your agreement. You can say something like, “I agree. I think we can make it work if we give things another try. Meet for drinks tomorrow after work.” And then you can see your ex in person and start flirting like crazy and rebuilding your chemistry.

Don’t hesitate to build sexual tension and initiate sexy time as soon as the opportunity presents itself, as this kind of thing can really seal the deal and get your ex to commit to giving your relationship a fresh start.

Don’t get into any serious conversation with your ex at this point; don’t try to talk about how you’ve changed or how much you missed your ex when you were broken up. Just be calm, don’t get overexcited, and take it slow.

If your ex isn’t outright saying that they want you back, if instead they’re saying things like, “I miss you” or “I wish you were here right now,” that is a completely different story than if they were clearly stating their desire to get back together. In this kind of situation, where they’ve just been dropping some strong signals that they still have feelings for you but are not asking you to take them back, you need to stick to no-contact as much as possible.

In conclusion, although it may not always be the best option, using no contact following a breakup is generally a smart decision. You could have to change your strategy if your ex becomes agitated by the quiet, if you have children or shared duties, if a long time has gone since the separation, or if your ex wants to get back together. Better handling of these circumstances will increase your prospects of a reconciliation. Long-term goals should be the main focus of your attention; be composed and considerate.