Most of my coaching clients over-analyze. At least, before they start working with me. After a break-up, most of people consider the actions of their ex as some sort of clue and will try to find out the deeper meaning of anything their ex says or does. If you’re actively trying to win back your ex, you’re probably also guilty of this. After all, when you’re desperate or helpless and can’t think about anything else except your ex, it’s normal to try to examine every small detail of their conduct.
Most of the time, it is in your thoughts.
Unfortunately, compulsive over-analysis is virtually always a waste of time and energy. Sometimes there is a secret significance behind your ex’s acts or comments, but most of the time it is all in your imagination.
So, for example, one of my customers recently called me to inquire whether his ex’s recent Facebook status update, in which she stated that she was enjoying her vacation, was designed to make him envious. Now, for this specific customer, seeing his ex’s Facebook status update was probably traumatic. He couldn’t get over the fact that his ex was enjoying being on vacation without him. However, to those of us who are not emotionally concerned in this circumstance, it appears absurd to believe that this seemingly inherent status update was designed to make her ex envious. Although I cannot say for certain, I believe she was simply informing the world that her vacation was going well. As a result, over-analysis is both inefficient and sometimes harmful.
Over-analyzing after a breakup can be dangerous
It is possible that this person sent an angry message in response to his ex’s recent status update. That would just make him appear desperate and petty, irritate his ex, and aggravate the problem overall. So, unless you’re completely positive that your ex’s behavior or comments are directed at you and intended to convey a message, don’t go anymore. This is because you will probably inflict more harm than good.
Yes, your ex’s behavior or words may include a hidden message or signal that you must decode. But that is rare. Most of the time, your ex’s behavior has no deeper meaning or secret message that you must understand. If you keep overanalyzing things, it will have no good effect on your attempts to reclaim them.
So, instead of fretting about what your ex is doing. Focus on yourself and the things over which you have control at this point. In the long term, ignoring your ex and focusing on yourself will be much more beneficial and less unpleasant. So try to keep the big picture in mind and refrain from overanalyzing.
