This blog is about neediness and its effects on relationships. How it may have contributed to your breakup and how it can jeopardize your chances of winning your ex back.
Now, I’ve seen this pattern several times, and many people fail to recognize it. Others recognize it but are helpless to stop it. First, I will discuss this in terms of a relationship. Then I’ll talk about what it’s like after a breakup.
So, what exactly does it mean to be needy or clingy? How does being needy become controlling, and how does jealousy play into this? Let us first define neediness. If you do any or all of the following, you can classify the person as needy.
You may need a person if:
- You ask for too much, too soon, and too frequently in your relationship.
- You dominate your partner’s time and attention. When your partner is not present, you feel incomplete as a person and in your life.
- You require extra praise, affection, and reassurance.
- You feel intimidated by your partner’s outside life (insecurity).
- You drag them closer to you than they are comfortable with.
- You refuse to listen to your partner’s protests or are unable to interpret their indirect indications regarding this type of behavior.
In general, the above-mentioned types of neediness concerns your partner the most because it demonstrates a disregard for their limits and independence. It also implies a level of jealousy that opens a whole other can of worms in any type of relationship.
What begins as a sensation can swiftly develop into a controlling behavior. When you allow it to influence how you treat your ex, if you make your neediness become your spouse’s problem or use these feelings to push your partner into spending more time with you, you have become controlling.
For example, if you’re upset or depressed because your partner wants to go out for a few drinks with some friends on a weeknight, you should ask yourself why you’re afraid they’ll cheat on you. Do you not trust them? Are you scared that their friends will turn against them? or make you appear worse when compared? Or do you simply believe that being away from them for one evening will have a detrimental impact on your life? If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, you should address your personal issues before they become your partner’s problem.
Friends vs Lover in Neediness & Clinginess
So, even if you’ve been cheated on before, you don’t have the right to treat your current partner as if they’ll cheat on you as well. If you are concerned that your partner may choose their friends over you, you should realize that this is not a possibility.
Friendships and romantic relationships do not compete with each other. Most individuals have both in their lives and can manage them without conflict. Even if your partner prefers to spend time with their friends over you on a regular basis, this indicates a problem with the partnership, not your partner’s connections. Either you are doing something to drive people away, or they do not respect you as a person. Even if all of their pals departed overnight, the problems would not go away. He or she will simply choose another place to focus their time and attention.
So here’s when the neediness comes in. If you discover that your partner is not meeting your wants, this is a problem in the relationship; however, you must assess whether your requirements are realistic or if you are demanding too much of your partner, monopolizing their time and energy.
For example, if you want your spouse to make you supper every night, help you with your schooling, and drive you to work every day, these expenses will mount up. They will cause resentment in your partner. Even if your partner initially agrees with your request, resentment will develop. This is just human nature. We cannot thrive in an unequal partnership like this.
What neediness and Clinginess lead to?
Let’s discuss how this will effect your split. To begin with, people are frequently discarded because of their clinginess, neediness, jealously, or dominating conduct. In fact, it’s a vicious cycle: your neediness drives your partner away from you, and then you’re afraid they’re leaving, so you clutch even tighter, scaring them away. If this cycle continues, they will finally conclude that the only way to break free from your iron grip is to abandon the relationship completely.
This is why a breakup is the ideal opportunity to interrupt the cycle. You’ve received a wake-up call, and you should take it seriously. If you really want to win back your ex, look at your needy conduct.
You might have lost contact with your ex following the breakup. So, while you won’t be able to partake in many of these activities, there are still many to be aware of. You must refrain from asking your former questions immediately following the end of your relationship.
How to deal when you are needy and Clingy vs your ex
So don’t try to get them to spend time with you. Do not call or text them. Do not surprise them by showing up where you expect them to be. Do not intrude on their life by asking questions about who they are and who they are dating.
If you’re lonely, turn to others in your life for assistance rather than your ex. If you recognize that you are needy, you should carefully consider how you engage with your ex following the split. Simply because you’ve gotten into the habit of being attached to your ex, and you’re probably giving off these emotions without even realizing it.
You miss them, and you want to relive those feelings of being together, so you’ll subconsciously replicate that dynamic of clinging to them whenever feasible. Worse, because you are needy, you have many needs, which will go unsatisfied now that you are alone.
The route out
You’ll be wanting to reconnect with your ex, so no contact is your best option. No touch feels impossible, especially for someone in need. It feels like a piece of yourself has been taken away, and you’re expected to deal with it on your own. Depending on your past with your ex, no contact may be beneficial.
If you were dumped because you were needy, you must now demonstrate to your ex that you can make it on your own without relying on them for attention. This will demonstrate to them that the split has caused you to understand your mistakes. When you give them space, they will realize that the only true problem in the relationship was a lack of freedom and independence, and this awareness will often be enough to compel them to return to you.
So, in addition to going ‘no contact,’ it is extremely crucial not to display any of these behaviors (clinginess, neediness) while attempting to get your ex back, and even if this wasn’t a role in your ex’s or your split, you should not be clingy or needy.
Give your ex some space for now; if in doubt, don’t contact him or her even after 30 days. Because your ex has needs, rebalance the power and authority in the relationship in your favor. They want it to be close to you as well, but because you want more closeness than they were comfortable with, they were unable to express it to you. Now is their moment to be clinging while you remain stable and detached.
Conclusion
It may take more than one blog to adequately address the issues at hand, which are primarily intimacy-related. Plain and simple, you may associate intimacy concerns with a fear of closeness, and although this is undoubtedly true, being clingy is the same issue in the opposite direction. It stems from a lack of trust and the inability to connect with another person. So, if you find yourself unable to stop this activity, it can often benefit you far more than you realize.
